another day of Confusion

Confusion. Disappointment.

It all stabs me in the back, knifing my very existence and stealing all traces of joy from my body.

My heart is slowly becoming hardened clay—ready to crumble at the most tender touch.

The mental pain and anguish ripples through me.

My tolerance of such crushing emotions slowly fades into nonexistence.

I cry, beg, plead for mercy.

But only the echoes of my own screams call back.

My thoughts loom over the deafening silence of my tormented attempts at happiness.

Hopes, dreams, and endearing promises drift off into a black hole.

My soul darkens.

My tears are swallowed up in an ocean of self hate.

My physical strength—is no match for my mental weakness.

I’m down on my knees, praying that some day you will rescue me.

I wait, if ever so impatiently, for your strong arms to wrap around my fragile body and comfort my wandering mind.

My very existence lusts after the thought of serenity, and

I will endure this tormenting pain until I find it.

God willing, I pray it is soon.

my Frustration with You

If you say something, then do it.

If you tell me something, then mean it.

The worst feeling in the world is being let down.

And that’s all you have done for me….

…let me down after building me up.

fear + water

Death is upon me. I am panicking. Life is full of unwelcoming surprises. I feel flooded by all of them. I sink and sink, treading water slowly. But I just want to get out. I want to walk on-shore. I want to walk on water if I can. But I don’t want to drown.