I cannot let you go. I just cannot. I keep telling myself that I need to.
I keep telling myself to move on. But it is as if everything pushes me against the current.
I still dream of you. You are still in my thoughts and in my heart.
I still tell myself that I love you. I still envision whatever it was we had.
I hold on to those memories as if they are the last I might ever have.
I relive them night after night... and it pains me.
It hurts so much to have to accept that they are just that... memories.
I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me.
I want to make you see me now and I want you to be jealous.
I want you to immediately want me.
To immediately desire to have me... as if I am the only thing that matters.
I want you to take me as yours.
I want you to look at me and tell yourself that you should have never let me go.
I want you to hold me and comfort me. I want you to be a part of my life.
I was willing to give up m.a.a. for you.
And I did. I truly, really did.
I was willing to overlook all of the faults and the annoyances and the unknowns and the unpredictable behavioralism and lack of decision making.
I was willing to overlook it all.
Because I truly believed you loved me.
And I still love you.
I love you now more than anything.
I thought the chemistry was perfect.
The balance. The commonalities. The give and take. The understanding.
It was all there. All you had to do was ask... and you didn't do it.
And you couldn't. And then you just let me go, as if I was nobody.
And yet here I am, still finding myself deeply drawn to you.
As if with you, my soul goes wherever you do, whether you realize it or not.
I'd like to ask for my heart back, but then that would mean I lose you.
And I can't do it yet. I just can't.
Please forgive me for being so weak.
I've cried a thousand tears over you, and for you.
My life is streaming with rivers of salty tears ever since I met you.
Yet I cannot let you go.
You truly are like my own form of heroin.
My own personal drug.
And the withdrawals are more than unbearable.
