Dark like Midnight

I remember a time when we once were happy.
When no battle couldn't be conquered.
When the skies were blue instead of grey.
When the warmth of each other's love was enough to keep us alive during the winter's cold.
I remember faintly when there was nothing but excitement, fun, laughter, awe, and good times.
I miss those days.
Those memories feel faint and far away.
I remember a time much different than today.
Now the clouds are here and the sky is dark like midnight black.
The sun fails to shine despite its labored efforts.
Now I'm living in a perpetual bad dream--dreary, ugly and hopeless.
When once I ran through a field of blooming poppys and chirping hummingbirds…
I now tread through decay, muddy waters and acid rain--burning my skin with each deadly shower.
How long will I be stuck in this prison?

Close your Eyes

Today my blood boils and lava floods through my veins.

I choke back the defeaning screams waiting to be released from my lungs.

I slowly close my eyes…..

and dream of islands, crystal blue oceans and happier days.

Until then, my body collapses from this self inflicted pain.

Choking on pills

I'm choking on my own tear inducing screams.
I'm drowning in my own misery and frustration.
I'm crippling my soul and slowly diving into a pool of insanity.
My blood boils beneath my skin.
My eyes rage with anger and violence.
My skin twitches trying to contain the monster that lies in wait underneath.
My heart pulses and beats so fast it nears explosion.

I ache…for a breath of fresh air;
For a cut to release the built up pressure;
For a bruise to divert the pain;
For a shot gun's blast to pierce my ears;
For a pill to relax my nerves and to calm my sick mind.

Crippled Love

You poke and prod these burning holes into your own self image.

You see not a beauty but a beast in the mirror.

Your self disgust haunts you like a ghost and follows you wherever you let it.

Your lack of confidence belittles you.  It is slowly weakinging our bond and my perception of you.

Your self distaste is finally starting to take its toll.

I know not why you feel so strongly this way.

But the negativety is far from appealing.

No matter what I say or do to try to show you that you are perfect the way you are--

my efforts continuously fail without question.

I feel resentful that I can do nothing to calm your mind.

I am annoyed that you wrestle with this connundrum and let it both eat you alive and destroy us.

You are crippling this love.

Pride

I don't want your money.

I don't want your help.

I can do it by myself.

Yet, here I find myself drowning in your arms--suffocating my independence and my very existence.

I know you do it not on purpose but out of need.

But I resent the fact that I gave up something to be filled with nothing.

I feel suffocated by my isolation, by my desolation, and by my desperate need to have you keep me afloat against every willing fiber in my body.

I don't want your help.

I want to stand on my own two feet.

I want to be able to do it myself.

I want to walk with my head held high.