the Storm

The quiet before the storm? Is there an end approaching to something that could have been so great? Am I so much of an idealist that I purposefully broke my own heart? What is it that I am feeling? Is it an unfounded, unrecognizable premonition? I feel it is, but a premonition of what? I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I know I still adore him. And I’m sure I could live a life with him. But there should be more than there is. They call him the Minch. But, then why am I so confused and uncertain about the future? Our future? I strangely think that I will not be seeking to live in Denver after all it is said and done—an utter disappointment. But, I suppose, this is life. Unpredictable.

Unsure of what to think these days. Will things continue? Do I want them to? I fee empty about it all. All emotion and energy has been drained out of me. I was hoping for a wonderful mesmerizing week. Instead, I leave confused, frustrated, empty and lost. I’m annoyed that I do not have the answers. I am very excitable and easily disappointed.

Who am I to talk though? I know nothing. I keep telling myself things to make me feel better. But, they are all sugar coated lies. I pray on my hands and knees that I am able to keep my sanity through all of this drama. I loathe not knowing where my life is going. I hate being in the dark with things. I desperately wish I was in a coma right now….so that I wouldn’t have to think. Please, I beg of you, give me answers.