Wei Yi, Part II

Perfection, comfort, desire, ease, pleasure.

This is how you make my world seem.

You somehow have an innate ability to wash away my frustations and calm my spinning mind.

You seem to make all of the chaos phase out.

My focus is on you.

Your eyes penetrate my heart.

Your body wraps me up and encloses me in warmth, love, happiness.

I've travelled so far and now I've come full circle.

I've given up so much, yet it all feels worth it.

I do not feel like I am sacrificing anything to be with you.

Because no matter what, I know you will be there to catch me when I fall.

And that, my friends, is all that matters.

You fit so perfectly in my life.

You are mine. You are my wei yi-the one and only.

Life without you--would not be a life at all.

Fluttering Hope

My heart flutters at the very thought of you wrapping your arms tight around me.

My life lights up at the very image of a life spent with you.

This happiness fills my chest—my lungs breathing in every bit of your wonderful essence.

I can’t imagine going another day without you.

I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you.

My eyes are only for you.

My heart is yours and yours alone.

My womb, devoted to the family we will make.

You make this real. You make this worth all the heartache and tears.

I believe in you.  I hope you believe in me too. 

I promise that I will never let you down—that I will always be there for you.

We are a team. You are the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

And I will be damned if I ever let you go.

Thank you…for never giving up after all these years. 

Blissful Surprise

For all that I could have ever wanted in life—you, my darling, are it.

For all that I could have ever dreamed the miracles life would bring me—I never imagined it could be someone as wonderful as you.

For all the days to come—I can only hope to make you the happiest man I know.

For all the past that has inevitably brought us together—I am grateful.

For all that you are—inside and out—I am in awe.

My mind revels at how miraculous you can be, how inspiring and beautiful you really are.

My world has seen bitter days and troubled times.

But you, my love, are my one and only.  You are my eternal sunshine.

And this time, it is real. 

Je t'adore et je t'aime

Butterflies in my stomach...
My heart is filled with warmth and comfort.
My excitement is uncontrollable.
My thoughts wander with blissful images of you....
...I am mezmorized by your compassion.
I am in awe of your understanding and fixated by how much
you give. I am transformed with this feeling of undying love.
I have loved before but never have I loved like this.
With you, it is effortless, happy, tranquil.
I do not believe in perfection, but you, my love, are truly perfect for me...
...I hope my heart shall forever be intertwined with yours....because I never want to let you go...

Wei Yi

Fairy tales come true after all.
For all the heartache, for all the tears, for all the pain-it was worth the trouble.
Because at the end of the day....I have you....and that's all I need.

Wounded Pride

Self loathing, Fiery fury
Waiting for your venemous poison to escape my blood
Wishing I could rid myself of your toxic memories
And kill the wretched pain that lingers in my heart.
My mind swims in a hatred filled pool of memories and bittersweet regrets.
I curse your very being and the day I met you.
I spite the life you bestowed upon me--these trying times
You are both death and the devil in one.
You punish the helpless and feed on the weak.
You are a wrtetched horrible putrid man.
I wish nothing but the worse for your selfish soul.
Your pain shall forever be my pleasure.
My pride is wounded, my heart is broken.
I wish I could erase this sickening sad feeling.
I wish you never mattered so that I wouldn't feel guilt stricken
with my new found hatred for you.
My love is deep. My hatred is deeper.  My will to survive is deepest still.
Please know-You are nothing. You are no one. You never will be.
Because you settle and don't take risks. You hide behind your shell.
You, my foe, are a coward.  Think it noble as you may. But the reality
of your actions speaks louder than words.
I will rise on top and I will smile sweetly while I look down upon you
and your menacing eyes.
Who got fucked now?  Your pretty little self. I hope you will lock and bind yourself
in chains to a self loathing existence.
May you look back and repent for your sins and your horrible misdeeds.
May you not be forgiven.
May you be punished for your self righteouness and may the glory be taken away from you.
May you have the pleasure to enjoy and revel in your self-inflicted misery.
Because if you don't, then I will.

House of Hell

This pain in my chest-
it sinks deep inside me, filtering through my blood stream.
I feel the pulse of my heartache crawling up my chest and
rising up through my neck, over my lungs, up my mouth.
The pressure bearing down on me, squeezing the life out of me.
It is unbearable.
So many woes. So many worries.
So many tragedies and disappointments.
So much heartache and pain.
So much bad luck and trying times.
Will there ever be a day when the sun will shine?

Every day, every momment, every thought or energy--
it feels like I am dragging barbed wire across my skin, letting
the steel puncture my white delicate flesh as
pools of blood envelope, the physical pain makes you scream out in agony
but your face shows nothing more than a wince and a plea for mercy--
a plea to be pardoned from this torture.
A plea to escape the house of hell.

Sweet sorrow, sweet revenge

I want revenge.
Bittersweet revenge.
I want vengence.
I want you to be punished like you punished me.
I want revenge for this heartache you created.
I want your soul to bleed and your heart to suffer.
I want you to feel pain--to cry an endless stream of tears of hurt.
I want to rip you to shreds just the way you did to me.
I resent you.
My body is filled with hatred.
It boils deep inside my chest.
I don't know what to do with this anger--with these putrid feelings.
I want to rip your heart out.
I want you to drown in misery and hardship.
I want the weight of the world to come crashing down on you.
I want you to fail.
I want you to hate yourself.
I want you to wish you were dead.
I want you to be burdened with an insurmountable heap of guilt.
I want you to beg for mercy and I wish that when you do, none is bestowed upon you.
I want you to lose not to the death--but to the pain.
I wish the worst for you.
I wish you could suffer.
I wish for revenge.

My heart still hurts.
I wish I could stab a knife into it to dull the pain--ease my misery.
My sighs are deep and heavy....filled with hopelessness.
My lungs are filled with the air's poison of uncertainty and heartache.
I try to calm myself to relax my mind, my body.
But the panic only sinks in deeper.
There is nothing I can do about the past--yet I still find myself trying to change it.
Why? Why don't you get it?
Please G....please ease this pain.

Dense panic

My heart forever hurts.
I wish I could stab a knife into it to dull the pain,
to easy my misery.
My sighs are deep and heavy,
filled with hopelessness.
My lungs are filled with the air's poison of uncertainty and heartache.
I try to calm myself to relax my mind, my body.
But the panic only sinks in deeper.
There is nothing I can do about the past-yet I still find myself trying to change it.
Why? Why don't you get it?

Gagged and Bound

I wish I could drown my miseries and sorrows--to sink into a drug induced coma so I may feel numb.
Life has no purpose for me right now. I just go through the motions because I have no choice, but I am utterly unhappy.
My spirits are crumbling--they are falling apart and for each day I try to save myself and provide distractions, I fall behind yet again.
I feel as if I am fighting a battle I cannot win.
Is it a war not worth fighting?
I try and I try and I try.
But are there any results?
I still feel helpless.
I still feel caged--gagged and bound.
I still feel oppressed and depressed.
I still feel like a bomb waiting to explode--filled with rage and anger and hurt.
I wish it would just end.

Stagnant rip-tide

My heart is heavy with pain.
The pressure suffocates my lungs and crushes my breath.
The dull achiness rips through my chest,
leaving shreds of splinters that pierce my very existence.
My body is numb from emotion.
My eyes too tired to cry.
My sadness weeps only from my heart--it is threaded deep inside me--
captive like a slave.
The ocean is dry--there are no more tears left from the well.
Yet the emptiness remains.
That frightening hollowed sound echoes through my bones-
pulsating through my veins-haunting me,
weakening my will and killing all the strength I have left.

My empty soul

This dull stabbing pain, thrusted into my heart,
slowly seeping blood out of my body, emptying my spirits.
My existence...deflating.
My soul crushed, my mind straying into darkness.
My chest rises and falls with each sharp breath-
the knife of your absence plunging deeper into my lungs,
stealing my breath away.
My eyes are dried up wells--no more tears tonight.
Only heartache.
This real, daunting and unbearable pain deep inside my heart.
I hurt so bad.
It hurts so bad.
How can it be so?
Will it ever cease?

burning with fire

My insides are burning with fire.
My mind--stirs with uncontrollabe rage.
I am boiling with anger over your fastidious ways.

I hope you are suffering.

I hope you are miserable.

Raging destruction

Why do you test me so?

This rage inside me--I worry that it will destroy me, if not others.

I feel helpless.

I feel destructive.

I am angry and hurt.

I am lost and confused.

This pain--I try to control it, but I can't.

I try to understand it--but I don't know how.

I pray for G to save me...

But all he does is make it worse.

your Strangling grasp

save me....
save me from my soul....
...save me from your strangling grasp....
don't torture me anymore.
i beg of you, please put me out of my misery.
please....put an end to this pain...this suffereing.
for mercy's sake, end the agony.

This ocean Bedrock

I sit here on the ocean's bedrocks, basking in the evening sun.
The Atlantic breeze wraps itself around my body as the crashing waves foam at my feet.
I write with uncertainty as I stare at the endless sea.
The clouds are few and the sky is slowly turning a sweet shade of pink.
Although you are far from near, I feel you glimpsing at me from high above. 
I don't know what your thoughts are--but I hope that I am not jolted by disappointment for days to come.

Crushing my soul

I feel the silence from your absence pitted deep inside me.

I long for your presence--to hear your sigh, to see your face, to hold your hands.

This hollow emptiness echoes throughout my body and mind.

My heart bleeds slowly with each passing thought that you are not here--that you did not want me.

My eyes are filled with tears--my mind, flooded with disbelief, anger and hurt.

That you could crush a helpless soul, I'll never know.

Restless

Can't sleep.
Can't eat.
Think of you constantly.
The pains in my chest are back.
My heart hurts.
My thoughts are clouded.
My ambition has ceased.
My performance is low.
My existence depressing.
I don't know how to pick myself up.
Every second feels like days.
My will is weak.
My body is heavy with sadness.
This turmoil is unbearable.
How could you hurt me so much?

Sacrifice

I miss your smile.
I miss the strength in your hands, the comfort of your arms, the smooth crevices in your upper back.
I miss kissing those sweet succulent lips, gazing into your beautiful hazel blue eyes.
I miss you when you hold me and nuzzled your face in my neck.
I miss making breakfast together and reading stories before bed.
I miss bike rides and sangria.
I miss taking late walks to the beach or playing board games.
I miss watching a movie in your arms.
I miss waking up to see you so peacefully sleeping.
I miss cooking for you, doing your laundry.
I miss holding your hands.
I miss you telling me you love me.
I miss the love you once gave me--and then took away.
You filled my heart with warmth, love and care.
Then you ripped it out with your cold bare hands.
You sacrificed me.
You lied to me.
How could you do this?

Why not

My mind swims with thoughts--of how you could betray me, how you could so willingly hurt me so. 
My eyes pour with tears over your lies-over these fantasies you sold me. 
My wrists bleed from the pain you've caused my heart. 
I am suffocating in the memories--your sweet words that you used to whisper in my ear, your warming touch as you used to embrace me and caress my skin. 
You've broken me--I am down on my knees begging for mercy from this wretched pain you've so eloquently inflicted upon me.
The cold rain pours on my back, but the chilling wet drops are more comforting than your absence. 
You left me behind--when all I wanted was to stay with you. 
You deserted me.
Two became one and now I am the one-alone. 
How could you do this?
How could you shatter my world just like that?
How could you be so heartless?
How could you let me fall in love with you--let me believe in your fairytale stories and then snatch them away without notice?
How could you torture someone, me, like this?
Was there ever any truth to your words?
I sacrificed so much.
I gave my all. Yet it still wasn't enough.
WHY?
Why am I so wrong for you?
Why don't you love me?
Why can't we be together?
Why isn't love enough?

Crippled

My bleeding wrists drain the pain from my heart.

My head is crippled with thoughts and dreams-of which we both know will be lies in the end. 

I hate you for doing this to me. 

WHY?

Waiting

The clock ticks yet time stays still.
My heart is searching for answers...day by day...
I lie awake at night thinking of you, wondering if you are thinking of me too.
A sense of sadness slowly creeps over me, numbing my heart.
My love does not falter.
My inner strength only grows from this time a part--yet as strong as I may be, I still yearn to have you by my side through thick and thin...that sacred vow...you are mine deep down inside, and I, forever yours.
Each day passes and although the deafening sound of silence fills my ears and cripples my walk, I wait patiently until judgment day arrives.

the Search

What is it you are looking for?

Death. Not heaven but Hell. That is where my body has fallen. I let you go thinking I could save us--save me from you.  But in reality, there is no saving to be done.  I killed us before we even had a chance.  And now I must suffer the consequences.

Eternal Rays

Rays of sunshine--glistening over my silk skin. 

Showers of light little kisses, grazing my body. 

The smell of your presence embodying me. 

My lips roll over your smooth golden skin. 

Your face nuzzled in my neck, holding me closely.

Our legs entwined, the beats of our hearts synced like a melody.

You are my heaven. You are my earth. 

You are my eternal love. 

Rock solid

I stand alone, but all I want is for you to be there for me--to be my unwavering rock--understanding, caring and supportive.  I often fall--but all I want is for you to extend a helping hand to pick me up.  I don't need a crutch--all I want is a little assurance and comfort that it will all be ok.  I'm often confused--a mind full of uncertainties.  I don't need all the answers or the solutions--all I want is a little patience and understanding.  All I need is your strength and reassurance.

Suffocating

My heart is dying.
My soul crushed.
The tears start flowing,
Yet, held back--choked up chest
-the pain of suffocating from your love.